Cutting the Apron Strings
Why is it so difficult to cut the apron strings?
My daughter has grown up and become a woman who wants something very different than what I had planned and dreamed for her to be.
Most often parenting can be rewarding as well as painful.
After all, we are never truly happy and at peace, as long as, one of our children is in pain. They are connected to our soul, no matter what. When they are babies, we check to see if they are breathing properly and as they grow, we often remind them to stop and take a breath. It’s not by chance that we are chosen to be the parents of our children. Our children are a gift. There’s a hidden meaning behind everything, an understanding that leads to enlightenment.
My daughter met a man who she loved very much and they married. Initially, I will admit, I experienced some difficulty. This is not what I had envisioned for her. I had many plans and dreams for her. I wanted her to be everything that I had dreamed for myself:
to successfully finish her degree, to build an admirable career and most importantly, to stand on her own – become independent. “But these are your desires,” I reminded myself. And yes, I had many desires for her, but they were not related to how my daughter saw herself.
I learned an important lesson. What’s good for me, does not always comply with the wishes of the people around me. It does not really matter if it is my daughter, my husband or one of my friends. I must understand and accept that although in certain situations, it may not be how I would think or act, nevertheless, I must always respect the opinions of others. Every person has their own vision, individuality and unique way of doing things. Therefore, there is no need to argue or disagree. Everyone has a different perception and perspective on life. How can I be certain that my way is right? How can I be sure that I know or understand better than they do?
So back to my daughter … the girl-woman and her plans. She never dreamed of a brilliant career. All she ever wanted and dreamed of was to have a family of her own. That was the fireball burning inside her. She wanted to realize herself as a mother. How can I argue with that? She is loving, warm and nurturing; this is what gives her a sense of fulfillment.
Isn’t that what is most important and what we strive for? Isn’t that what everyone is chasing, even if they are not aware of it?
The bottom line is, if we break down the components of life, we are all searching for love, more and more love. Giving and receiving love.
Love reveals itself in many forms. Love is displayed in the form of warmth, acceptance, appreciation, recognition, advertising, etc … we all yearn for that feeling, we all live for it. Love is the elixir of life, it is what sends the blood rushing in the veins, it is what gives us the power to deal with various contests in life.
I understood, I finally internalized this simple truth: we are all searching blindly for the same things in the dark, all those things that are right there under our noses and are in fact, the most important: a loving glance, a warm hug saturated with emotion, a statement expressing confidence and support and a sense of acceptance from the environment . What is the common denominator? It is the feeling that we call “love”. The recipe to experience all of this is none other than giving. To be engaged in giving. Help, give advice, listen patiently, smile, give a hug … and it will all comes back to us in the same way. What we give is what we will receive – it is either a blessing or a curse.
I embraced my daughter warmly, overflowing with love and let free all my desires which in turn vanished. I accepted her and her wishes. I loved her as I never did before. All that’s left now is to eagerly wait for the moment when the miracle occurs and I happily see my daughter lovingly embracing her child, just as I used to and still do.
If you can relate to this, please share your experience.